Feelings Fitness Podcast

269. Loneliness, Sadness, And Guilt: Naming The Quiet Emotions Of Motherhood

• Suzanne Bazarko

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Welcome to the Feelings Fitness Podcast Emotions for Moms. I'm Suzanne, and this is a space created for the emotional side of motherhood that so often goes unseen, unheard, or rushed past. Here we talk about the real feelings, the heavy ones, the tender ones, the complicated ones, without fixing them, minimizing them, or tying them up with a bow. This podcast is about building emotional strength, not pushing through, but slowing down, naming what's true, and remembering that you are a whole human, not just a role. Take a deep breath. You're in the right place. Some emotions are loud. They announce themselves, they explode, they demand attention. And then there are other emotions, the quieter ones, the ones that don't interrupt your day. They just live in the background of it. They sit with you while you're making lunches, they ride along in the car after a drop-off. They show up late at night when the house is finally quiet and you realize you're still tired or heavy or just not quite okay. Today we're talking about three of those quieter emotions: loneliness, sadness, and guilt. Not the dramatic versions, not the crisis versions, the everyday versions that make so many moms quietly wonder, is something wrong with me? So let's start with loneliness. You can be surrounded by people and still feel deeply alone. You can be in a house full of noise and activity and still feel like no one really sees you. Loneliness in motherhood is rarely about being physically alone. It's about being emotionally unseen. I think a lot of moms expect loneliness to look like isolation, like having no one, but that's not usually how it shows up. More often it shows up like this. You talk all day, but no one asks you how you are. You listen, you respond, you solve problems, you hold space, but no one is really holding space for you. I remember sitting in my car after drop-off once and realizing I didn't actually want to go back into the house yet. Not because I hated being home, but because the silence in the car felt easier. That's not a desire to escape your life. That's a desire to be met inside it. Loneliness often comes from being needed more than your known. And that can happen even in a loving family, even in a good marriage, even in a life you're grateful for. That's why this chapter of the Book of Feelings doesn't try to fix loneliness. It doesn't tell you to be more social, make more friends, try harder. It simply says, of course you feel this way. And sometimes that's the most healing thing. Moving on to sadness. Sadness is another emotion that moms often talk themselves out of. They say things like, I shouldn't feel this way, other people have it worse. I have so much to be grateful for. And all of that might be true, but sadness isn't always about dissatisfaction. Sometimes it's about grief for a version of yourself that no longer exists. The version of you who had more quiet, had more space, had more time to think, had more flexibility, wasn't interrupted all the time, had a body that felt different, had dreams that hadn't been reshaped yet. That doesn't mean you want to go back. It doesn't mean you don't love your kids. It means you're human. Motherhood involves real loss, even when it's all full of love. And when we don't acknowledge that, sadness just lingers in the background, unnamed, unprocessed, and quietly heavy. The book of feelings doesn't rush sadness. It doesn't try to cheer it up. It doesn't try to turn it into gratitude. It lets sadness be what it is: a natural response to change, transition, and letting go. Sometimes sadness just needs to be witnessed. And then there's guilt. Mom guilt is relentless. It follows you no matter what you choose. Stay home with your kids, guilt. Work outside the home, guilt. Rest, guilt. Push yourself, guilt. Say yes, guilt, say no, guilt. Guilt in motherhood isn't actually about wrongdoing. It's about impossible standards. It's about trying to be endlessly patient, endlessly present, endlessly available, endlessly selfless, and still somehow fully yourself at the same time. Guilt shows up when reality collides with unrealistic expectations. This chapter isn't about getting rid of guilt. It's about understanding where it comes from and slowly loosening its grip. Because when guilt runs the show, no choice ever feels like the right one. Here's what's important to notice loneliness, sadness, and guilt often travel together. Loneliness says, no one really sees me. Sadness says something about this is hard to accept. Guilt says, I must be doing something wrong. And suddenly a mom who is doing an incredible amount of emotional labor feels like she's failing. Not because she is, but because these feelings were never given language or space. The core message here is if you're carrying any of these quietly, I want you to hear this. You don't need to be more grateful. You don't need to be more positive. You don't need to try harder. You need permission to feel what's already there. These feelings aren't evidence that something is wrong with you. They're evidence that you are living a full, complex, emotionally demanding life. Consider taking a moment throughout the day to place one hand on your chest and one hand on your belly and take a slow breath in through the nose and a slow breath out through the mouth. And gently say, I'm allowed to feel this. No fixing, no reframing, just allowing. If today's episode felt a little too accurate, you're not alone. These are some of the most common and least talked about emotions in motherhood. And they don't mean you're ungrateful, they don't mean you're broken, they don't mean you're doing it wrong. They mean you're human. Next week we'll talk about the more protective feelings, anxiety, fear, and control, and why they make so much sense in the life of a mom. I'm really glad you're here, and I'm really glad you're not carrying this alone. Until next time, take good care. Thank you for spending this time with me here on the Feelings Fitness Podcast. If today's episode resonated, let it land gently. You don't need to do anything with it right now. Awareness is enough. If you're craving deeper connection and community, I'd love to invite you to join me inside the Stay at Home Mom Studio, our Facebook space where these conversations continue in real time with real moms living real lives. Remember, you don't have to earn rest. You don't have to explain your feelings, and you don't have to navigate motherhood alone. I'll meet you back here next week. Until then, take good care.