Feelings Fitness Podcast
Feelings Fitness Podcast
232. Growing Through Grief: Mother's Day
Navigating the tender complexities of Mother's Day after loss is a journey no one should walk alone. As I open up about Mother's Day without my mom, you'll be invited into a space where acknowledging our feelings becomes a transformative practice, and self-care is revered. The episode takes you through a grounding exercise to calm the nervous system and a deeply personal letter to my late mother, illustrating the therapeutic potential of writing for emotional healing. As we cherish memories and confront the complexities of regret and longing, you, too, might discover writing as a cathartic outlet for your challenging moments.
Through heartfelt sharing, we broaden the conversation to managing emotions amidst loss, introducing the concept of 'feelings fitness' as an essential component of overall wellbeing. After a brief hiatus to realign, I'll be back to affirm my commitment to supporting you through grief and emotional growth. We'll explore the importance of holding space for our own emotions and those of others during life's poignant milestones, fostering emotional resilience. Join me in a journey of reflection and discovery, where every listener's story of loss and healing is honored.
Welcome back to another episode of the Feelings Fitness Podcast. I'm so happy you are here. Last week I needed a week to just breathe in preparation for Mother's Day, literally and figuratively. Always remember how powerfully healing the breath is. Breathing intentionally can really regulate the nervous system. Let's take a few cleansing breaths together. We'll do box breathing, which will be inhale through the nose for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale through the mouth for four counts and then hold for begin, inhale for four. Hold for four. Exhale for four. Hold for four. Inhale for four.
Speaker 1:Hold for four exhale four, hold for four, exhale for and hold for four. I'm willing to bet that you feel a little bit better after even just that short breathwork session, now that we're feeling relaxed and grounded. Happy Mother's Day. This is kind of a surprise Sunday little podcast for you. Usually I show up on Mondays, but surprise, happy Mother's Day, happy Sunday. And instead of releasing an episode last Monday when I was feeling emotionally exhausted, I'm letting this episode take its place. It will also take the place of tomorrow's episode, because it's extremely important to honor our emotions and not force an issue when we aren't feeling aligned. I have a feeling that, just as the week leading up to Mother's Day had me feeling emotionally overwhelmed, the day after will probably feel a little heavy too.
Speaker 1:A little backstory for anyone new here. Of course, mother's Day forever changed for me when I became a mom, and that was back in September 2011, when my son arrived and then we celebrated. Obviously, my first Mother's Day was May of 2012 with him, but it became a heavy day 10 years after that first Mother's Day that I celebrated myself and because in 2022, I lost my mom somewhat unexpectedly. If you have been tuning in, you know I've been doing a series called Growing Through Grief, where I've been doing my best to process this profound loss and find the silver lining. A popular reel lately has been this catchphrase Don't ask me how I did it, I just did it. It was hard. Well, finding a silver lining on loss is hard, but it really is a must. I actually wrote my mom a letter on my first Mother's Day without her and I wanted to share it with you. So here goes May 14th 2023. Dear Mom, mambi, mamba Jambi, on this day, I'll honor you always, even if you are no longer physically with me here on earth. I will honor our friendship and all of the many memories we made together. Within my 45 years of knowing you and loving you and being loved by you, I have no regrets and so many regrets about our time together. If that makes any sense, I guess what I mean is I have no regrets, as we were able to create a beautiful bond, but I have many regrets that are surfacing now that you are gone. Allow me to confess and do my penance to release the guilt I feel.
Speaker 1:It was around this time of year, in 2020, when a heated text came through from dad. He was disappointed that more hadn't been done to acknowledge your wedding anniversary. It was a time was clearly not really just directed at me, but it was hard to tell exactly what was happening in the moment. It was clear that the real concern wasn't that it was your declining health. I think for the most part he wanted to shield us from it, which wasn't hard to do during lockdown, but he was also feeling alone during shelter in place, which just makes perfect sense.
Speaker 1:Once this all began to unfold, the pandemic became even more depressing. My heart hurt for you, for me, for everyone, feeling isolated, alone and struggling Without being able to see what was happening behind closed doors. I naively pictured the best case scenario Jason would bravely, or perhaps irresponsibly, cross over pandemic barriers to visit you. He would share what was happening there, but it was definitely his perspective. But dad did the best he could and only shared what he thought was absolutely necessary. Now I know that was very much at your request.
Speaker 1:I wish I would have done better by you. I wish I would have read between the lines of the conversations I had with you and dad. I wish I would have shown up there more to lift your spirits. The reality is I had a complex case on the home front here and I was afraid of the pandemic too. I wish I could have gotten there to lift your spirits.
Speaker 1:The pandemic created a dramatically unbearable barrier. I wish I could have gotten there to lift your spirits. It was difficult to bring the whole family and I really couldn't leave at that point in time. I wish I could have gotten there to lift your spirits. I had to process the situation and get over my angry feelings about it first. I wish I could have gotten there to lift your spirits before you left this world. I regret not getting there in time. I regret not sitting by your side more while you were sick. I regret not asking you more questions when you weren't feeling well. I regret not having you tell me more stories while you were well.
Speaker 1:Mother's Day will never be the same without you. I wish with all my heart that you were here to celebrate with us here on earth. I know you are watching over us. I know you are now our guardian angel. We will continue to honor you always and forever. Here or there, you are always loved and you still move about this earth and the hearts of all those who loved you deeply and dearly. I wish I could call you and hear your sweet voice and your infectious laugh. I wish I could text you current events that only we seemed to care about. I wish I could hold your hand and go walking with you one last time. Please show me a sign that you are near. I love you. So there's that, and I really do feel like writing provides such a release. So give it a try. Whether you're going through grief or you're just dealing with a difficult circumstance, whatever it may be, try writing. Try writing someone a letter. I feel like it certainly creates this release that is really profound.
Speaker 1:Last week I shared my thoughts on the book Things I Wish I Told my Mother. I shared that I wish my mom had said a few things to me before she passed as well. In an indirect way, I just received what I wanted to hear. How you might be wondering. Well, yesterday I received a beautiful floral arrangement from my father. Attached was a note that said Happy Mother's Day. What a great mother you are. Mom was always so proud of you. You are my special blessing, love Poppy. Reading those words, hearing those words ring in my ear she was always so proud of you, gave me exactly what I needed. I just needed to know she was proud. Although she was an attentive mother, she did not express her emotions openly.
Speaker 1:I'm here on the Feelings Fitness Podcast drilling down on helping others express their emotions, exercise their emotions, because I was never really taught to do so, it was not modeled for me. Emotions sometimes felt like the enemy. I'm here to say if today is hard for you, express that. If today is joyful for you, embrace that. But if I have one piece of advice, let the people you love know you love them If you are together. Take a picture to capture what that love looks like. The last picture I have with my mom is something I will cherish forever. A picture I have of us holding hands can actually transport me back to the warm feeling of her comforting touch. Say the words, take the picture, lean into the time that you have with loved ones.
Speaker 1:Whenever there is loss, particular days and milestones create big emotions. Embrace the emotions, express the emotions. Learn to exercise your emotions. You'll feel better.
Speaker 1:And before I sign off, I just wanted to share that I will be pausing the podcast and the email newsletter for just a little bit While I get some things organized. I have I realized that I have so much more that could go into this growing through grief series. I have so many things that are coming up and just making me realize that a big key to life is learning to manage your emotions, learning to tolerate the emotions of others and exercising your emotions. So there's just so much, and I really need a little bit of time to get some things organized and to make sure that I'm offering everyone valuable content, useful content, so as to not just ghost you all and pause the podcast without sharing that with you. I'm sharing with you, taking a little pause, but I will be back with more growing through grief content, more feelings, fitness, general emotional wellbeing content. I'm excited, so stay tuned for all of that, but in the meantime, continue to exercise your emotions in an effort to feel fit mind, body and spirit.